Squealing and leaping

Given the choice between bats circling a full moon and a m***e I know which I’d rather

What are those huge balls of fluff all over the floors of the London Underground stations? Am I the only person who’s noticed them? The cleaners have a big enough job to do so perhaps TFL could employ a defluffer.

I say this because I have a very active imagination. Tonight, I noticed one that looked like a dead creature that I cannot name because my phobia is off the scale compared with my arachnophobia. There have been a number of incidents related to these creatures:

  • The next door neighbour, who I’d never met, woke her husband up to send him round to my flat to remove one. He had to return to remove one that had drowned in my washing up bowl. Eek!
  • One ran around the floor of the office at Television Centre and I screamed the loudest yet I didn’t even see it.
  • One died on my desk – after I’d given it a good clean – my desk and the creature, it transpires.
  • I moved downstairs when one was spotted in my bedroom. I only returned to my bedroom after a pest control man laid down poison and a carpenter sealed up every single gap. I even made him put wood where there weren’t gaps.
  • I almost caused an international incident while screaming in Nicaragua – the creature dropped dead at my feet. Apparently, they have weak hearts and can die from fright. I still don’t believe they are more frightened of me than I am of them.

Tonight, had I not contained myself I would have screamed a scream to wake the dead and broken my own Olympics jumping record – made after spidergate. However, when I got up close I realised it was one of the TFL balls of fluff.

All was well.  M***e alert over.





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