Fright night

The arachnid who defied my spider senses

I don’t do spiders. They have to be the size of a full stop for me to reach any kind of tolerance.

I see them coming moments before they appear. Every time I think I’m over it, there’s an incident.

Last month, one landed with a thud, in the bathroom – without alerting my spider senses. I screamed and leapt high enough to be called up by the best Olympics squad in the world.

It was the ugliest, biggest thing I’ve ever seen – big enough to charge rent and council tax.

I sent a picture of it to my friend Hetty D who gave the incident a different spin: Bathroom surfaces look very clean!” 

The secret to the shiny surfaces is my home-made cleaning product. The measurements are estimates.

200g bicarbonate of soda

200 ml of white vinegar

a few drops of essential oil (I use tea tree)

You have to add the vinegar gradually or it fizzes over but it’s great for tackling limescale and making the taps shiny.

There has to be a bright side.



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